If you find yourself getting in arguments and you don’t know why or either of you tend to pick a fight for no apparent reason, it may be a sign that you are experiencing these addictive tendencies.
Does this mean your relationship is doomed? Not necessarily.
If both partners are willing to make a conscious effort to stop the addictive behaviour there still is a chance to have a great relationship. The key is to recognize warning signs that lead to fights before they happen.
What are the warning signs?
Below are some of the examples of warning signs that a drama cycle may be beginning. Arguments tend to progress in this order. Keeping your eye out for these behaviours in yourself or in your partner’s can help prevent the escalation.
Warning Signs to Watch For:
1. Change in body language (slouching, eye gazing, looking down, fast breathing,
2. Change in voice and language (raising the voice, negativity, using harsh words)
3. Negatively interpreting what the other is saying.
4. Invalidating what the other is saying.
5. Bringing the past into the conversation.
6. Using terms such as “you always” or “you never”
7. Using words and comments intended to hurt the other person.
Initially, it will be difficult to become aware of the cycle and stop it; just like any addiction, it will take time to break through the patterns. Don’t beat yourself up if you catch yourself in the act—this is the goal! What matters is, that you become more aware of these behaviours as they begin so that you can stop yourself before that addictive dose of adrenaline kicks in. The more you can stop yourself, the less frequently you will find yourself engaged in that insane drama. Once you become aware you are doing it, the cycle loses its power.
We often expect the other person to do the self-development exercises which leaves us disappointed and even more frustrated. Writing down our benefits if we start developing changes in our behaviour can help us be the first one to make a step. You can ask yourself- How beneficial it will be if I make some changes in my response?
Believe me, it works like magic. I have changed my irritable nature, snapping out, taking things personally. When I made a list of positive outcomes which would come to me if I made some changes in my responses, changing my habitual behaviours, patterns were quite easy.
My list included – My child will get a happy environment at home to live, I will have a One Happy Family, my husband will feel much more relaxed and it will result in my better relationship with him. These outcomes were good incentives for me to make changes within myself.
What are your incentives?
Even after taking an initiative, you feel to seek help for your relationship, you can reach out to a Relationship Counselor or a Mental Health Professional in Mumbai for the same.