It was after my unexpected divorce that I found myself stuck in a state of constant shock, trauma, regret, frustration, anger, blaming, and various other unwanted and unexpected emotions. For months together I stayed in bed crying, trying to understand why it happened to me? Merely taking a bath was a big struggle for me during that time. I had to mentally start preparing myself for two hours before I could get up and shower. I didn’t feel hungry or thirsty. I only kept looking at the pictures, texts from my past. I felt hopeless and never stepped out of the house. I was not able to see any possibility of my life leading anywhere. I didn’t know where to restart and how to get the energy and inspiration to do that. I often felt that suicide is the only option for me and seriously contemplated doing it. It was very difficult for me to share my feelings with anyone else as I could not give more pain to my family. I felt heavy heart as soon as I opened my eyes from sleep and I just wished to go back to sleep to avoid feeling that way.
People used to give me different types of advice and the most common advice was to immerse myself in work and I will slowly heal and get over my trauma. There was no energy left in me to get up and go to work. Due to my good work experience, I was getting many good job offers but I couldn’t commit as I was afraid that I may burst into tears at work. My emotional state was highly fragile.
During that time, mental health awareness didn’t exist much in my country. People believed that after divorce or breakup there is a phase of sadness and then things get fine automatically. Terms like anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma were not commonly known or discussed during that time. The concept of therapy was not so commonly known.
Once, I shared my pain with a friend and she suggested me to meet a Psychotherapist she knew. I was open to go and see her as I was more comfortable sharing my feelings with someone who is a stranger to me instead of from my family.
In my first session, I shared everything I had to tell her and she just listened and made notes. She then suggested a therapy plan which included different types of therapy sessions for different purposes. She taught me a tapping technique which I was supposed to do every day for a few minutes to release negative emotions from my subconscious mind. I felt lighter and better right from the first time I tried that technique. So, I did that technique every day. It helped me feel better and then I went for my first healing session after a week.
My first session was a hypnotherapy session for one hour in which my therapist told me that she will take me to a state of deep relaxation and then help me cut my energy cords with my ex from my subconscious mind and build a protective shield around me which will reflect back all negative thoughts. After I took that session, I felt in the coming days that I was much more in control of my life and I had stopped to feel drained out and exhausted.
Then I took some healing sessions of Access bars, Reiki, Inner child Healing, etc. Layer by layer, my deep-rooted issues came up and were healed. Even though I had started taking therapy to come out of my trauma induced by divorce, I was able to address other suppressed issues from my wounded childhood and heal them too. Regular counseling sessions along with the healing sessions helped me get up on my toes again and restart my life. I was full of life and happiness in just a matter of a few months. After the healing sessions were done, I also took a few sessions to plant confidence, happiness, and other seeds of positive affirmations in my subconscious which resulted in my high self-esteem and self-worth. I took up my dream job and enjoyed working so much. I was promoted in a very short span of time. I traveled, made new friends, and lived the life of my dreams.
After a few years, I became open to the idea of getting remarried and after my journey of finding someone for me, I am today happily married for four years and also a practicing healer and life coach.
It was after I saw the power of therapy that I realized the possibility of healing techniques that actually work. It inspired me to learn these techniques, get certifications, and start my own practice. My passion was to help heal people. When I share my personal journey of healing with someone new who comes to me for healing, they become more open to try it. And once they try the healing session, they understand how effective it is.
“Kintsugi” is a Japanese term that means “ to repair with Gold”. It is the art of repairing pottery with gold lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. I feel therapy has done Kintsugi of my soul and therapy is the gold lacquer which healed my broken soul and turned me into a beautiful piece that has more value than it had before I was broken.
It was before and during my healing journey, I noticed that people have some mental stigmas attached to psychotherapy. So I did my therapies secretly and did not share much with my friends while I enjoyed the benefits of healing sessions.
Why people feel uncomfortable going to a therapist?
Mostly it is due to the ideas people have picked up from their environment that they feel awkward or doubtful about seeking professional help for any emotional or psychological issue.
Some of the common wrong beliefs about psychotherapy people have is:
-People who seek Psychotherapy are weak, mentally ill, or crazy
The fact is that people who seek professional help for their issue show that they are more serious about their treatment instead of neglecting their state which can cause damage to themselves and others. Seeking help is rather a step taken by brave. Weak people are the ones who don’t do anything about the issue. It also shows they are responsible people and are taking responsibility for the problem they are facing by trying to figure out a solution.
-Psychotherapist will tell you things that you already know about life
Sometimes showing a situation from a different perspective. The therapist always gives you control to choose what you feel is best for you and never imposes. Therapists shares all the information he has learned through his training and studies and research.
-Psychotherapy is a lifelong process
It’s not true. There is no fixed standard duration of therapy. Different people have different issues and every therapy plan of one is different from another. It is not a lifelong process. Once your issues are resolved you don’t need to see a therapist again. In case some new issue comes up and you feel seeing a therapist can help you, you can decide to see the therapist.
– If we have supportive family and friends, we don’t need the therapist.
Family and friends are additional support that helps to heal a person faster. It’s like a plant needs water and sun to grow healthy. In the same way, we can say that water is therapy and sun is the warm care and love of family and friends which together make a plant healthy.
– We have no control over the mind and body in healing sessions.
This is absolutely false. Most people in a therapy session have the ability to come out of the trance state at any time. Their conscious minds are completely aware of the surroundings while the subconscious mind focuses on the issue. Hypnosis is just another word for a deep state of relaxation. Many other forms of therapies do not take you to a subconscious state.
-Therapists control the lives of their clients and they can’t say no.
This is absolutely false. The therapist always suggests the person and asks his/her choice. If anyone wants to discontinue therapy in the middle, there is nothing bad that can happen to the person. The benefit of the sessions you have taken already will not go away.
-Therapists have magic powers
A therapist simply uses the techniques for healing the mental, psychological, and emotional state of a person. The same techniques do not work on everyone. People are made differently so they need their own unique therapy that works for them. A therapist studies each case and is able to provide tools for the healing to happen. A genuine seeker who truly wants to recover heals faster.
– You can get stuck in therapy or get addicted to it.
After experiencing the benefits of therapy, often people feel that the therapist is your friend who understands you and you feel happy talking to him/her. But the therapists know how to make you emotionally independent and free you to live happily in this world without feeling the pain of detachment after your recovery.
-If you take god’s name, pray, or involve yourself in religious activities, you don’t need therapy. God will save you.
Prayers or connection with God helps you at various stages of your healing journey providing you hope. Therapy combined with prayers is most effective. Some therapists combine spirituality with the therapy techniques creating it more effective. You can be of any religion if you want to go to a therapist who is spiritual.