There are days when you wake up and you don’t feel like doing anything. Nothing makes you happy and you just don’t know the reason behind feeling like this. And I too experienced such a day/ series of days in my life. I remember a saying which I saw in a movie-“All is well”. I tried to say this to myself many times but all I felt was-“All is not well.” Why cant we say- “All is not well and its ok to be that way?”
I often heard this statement from many sources- “Fake it till you make it”. I wonder what we have to make ? What I am so desperate to make that I have to take a fake way? And do I really make it in the end? Or is it just a fake achievement to show the world that I have eventually made it? Made something the world wanted to see. Did I even want that for myself? No
We live in a time of picture projection, where social validation has become important and necessary. But, what you will do when in reality you are not okay? Because this is something you are forcing onto yourself more than on the outside world, forcing the happiness which you don’t even feel, the smile which you are trying to put to go through your day. You don’t have to put up with this all day long. I wonder why I always had this fake smile always on my face. Whenever I have not smiled, people come and ask me – “Is everything ok? Are you ok? Is something wrong?” And as soon as I had this smile on, all these questions disappeared.
All these years, I carried so much burden on me for making so many mistakes in my life, for not being perfect, to side line what I wanted to do which I felt was best for me but I did what I was told to do as that was the right thing to do from someone else’s perspective. That only made me feel even more bad about myself because no matter what I did, I was never enough. Why not do what you want to do and be judged rather not do what you want to do and then be judged? Because you will be judged anyway.
I am not perfect and I have never met a perfect person in my life. As long as you perceive a person from a distance , everything looks perfect and as you go closer, the flaws are visible. Then….. I met my wonderful husband. He too was not perfect from many perspectives but he was absolutely happy, free and had no regrets about his many mistakes he made in his life also. I learnt why he was much more free than me. Because he was ok not to be ok. He was ok to feel the pain, he was ok to be angry, he was ok to be who he is.
People are imperfect, and they battle in their life. The individuals who wind up being the best aren’t the ones who don’t battle. They’re the ones who realize it’s okay to not be okay.
When I found myself to be ok with not being ok, I lost many friends and relationships. And I was ok to that also. After sometime, those people came back to me asking for advise about real happiness and they complained about the same things they felt from society which they were imposing on me. They felt judged, they felt they have to make a fake smiling face to avoid the questions, they felt always pressurized to be someone as the society expected from them. Another learning I had in this moment. These people are themselves suffering which caused me suffering.
It takes courage to put full stop to all the nonsense and bullshit around. It takes strength to let some relationships and friendships fall away. As a tree grows, old leaves fall away and new leaves grow. This is nature. This is the sign of growth, when old damaging relationships fall away and then only we are able to form new relationships which are nurturing and meaningful. Finding your own self and real happiness is not easy. But once you find that, its worth it.
Now don’t say anymore-“All is well.”
Rather say-
Its ok to make mistakes
Its ok to have bad days
Its ok to not be perfect
Its ok to feel weak
Its ok to say no
Its ok to do whats best for you
Its ok to be yourself
And even more important
Its ok to ask for help
If you think nothing is helping you , then it’s never too late to get help and you can find Mental Health Professionals in Mumbai without any difficulties, who can help you get through it, all the way long.
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