Have you ever seen a baby when they start learning how to walk?
They fall many times at first. But they never get scared to get up and start trying again. Even if they get hurt, they will forget it in a short span of time and attempt to walk again.
The attention span of a toddler is much less than an adult, which means that everything depends on our attention. So when we think, “I feel scared to try again,” it is because our attention is going to the fear we had experienced.
How does fear happen?
It happens in the mind first, and then it manifests in the body. When we remember something from the past, all these thoughts first come in the mind, then they make us feel anxious, scared, nervous, and so on.
All our actions are then rooted in these feelings, which won’t give us the right outcome. Then we are traumatized again, and it becomes difficult for us to get out of this cycle.
It is important for us to break this pattern.
Why should we consider developing our resilience?
Resilience means to be able to quickly recover from difficult situations.
If we are struggling in any area of our life and feel hopeless, maybe it is time for us to invest our time, energy, and attention to building our resilience.
Here are some signs that we need to build resilience:
>> You are scared to try again after one or more failed relationships
>> You are scared to talk to a man/woman again after rejection
>> You are scared to patch up with a friend after repeated trials
>> You are scared to apply for a job after rejection
>> You are feeling unmotivated to go to another audition
>> You have stopped trusting people due to some experience when your trust was broken
>> You feel exhausted trying one more time for having a baby after repeated failures
>> You have stopped hoping for things to work out for you
It is natural when we try to do something again after a few failures, all the past memories of previous failures resurface, which remind us of our pain and traumas that were connected to that experience.
We do not want to go through that again. So we shut ourselves down, and we stop trying to keep ourselves safe.
Why does a spider try to climb on the same wall after falling again and again? Or why does an ant try to walk on the same path after experiencing obstacles again and again?
There is so much we can learn from nature. Actually, if we are just close to nature, we don’t need a therapist, a counsellor, or a guru to find peace, purpose, healing, and understanding about life.
Brain is such an organ in the body that can either make us experience heaven or hell. If functioning properly, it can make us achieve unbelievable things and help others, or it can completely destroy us and others around us.
Our bodies can dry out of energy, which can make us feel drained, exhausted, and sometimes, hopeless to get up again and try. But they also have the ability to restore, energize, and restart. We are like nature. In order to remind ourselves that we and nature are one, think about all the organ functions that are perfectly working inside our bodies without any support.
Observe how food is being digested, how our heart is pumping blood to all the organs, and how our brain is sending signals to all our organs to function.
I have fallen many times in my life—lost jobs, a marriage, relationships, money, and friends at different times of my life. On all those occasions, I was deeply affected, and I felt like my life was falling apart.
Every time I lost something, I felt that it was the end of my life. I didn’t feel motivated to get up and live. I didn’t feel any purpose to live anymore. I felt unwanted by anyone in this world. But I was able to somehow get my life back again, and again, and again. Not only I got my life back, but I helped others gain theirs as well.
Only when we are filled with love, empathy, and strength, we can understand others and help them in their journey.
So when you feel hopeless to try again, try these things to restore your lost energy:
Introspect unhealthy patterns and behaviours
No one knows us better than our own selves. Sometimes, it becomes too awkward to talk to our therapist about certain things that have been troubling us for years (unless we find a good therapist who can make us feel like opening up in a comfortable way). We can actually work with a therapist to identify unhealthy patterns and behaviours, which we need to let go of and move toward making healthier choices.
Release fear of failure
Fear of failure after repeated disappointment is the most common feeling that makes us feel hopeless. I, too, was hopeless to find a perfect man for myself and have a family after experiencing divorce. Today, I am married, and I have had a happy family for four years now. Working with a good therapist can help us release our fears and live with love and trust.
Owning your mistakes
Sometimes, we are in denial, and we don’t want to accept that we can also make mistakes. We were conditioned to believe that mistakes are unacceptable and only silly people or fools make mistakes.
When we are able to let go of false beliefs that are affecting our life in a negative way, we can learn to own our mistakes and see that they’re are an opportunity to learn something new in life. Owning our mistakes brings back control to our life.
Blaming others or circumstances is a sign that we are not in control of our own life.
Check your lessons
Failing repeatedly is not important. It is important to recognize if we are making the same mistake again or different ones. And most importantly, if we have learned our lesson from the previous mistake. Learning from our mistakes is only making our life richer in experience—it is giving us wisdom.
Strategize your next attempt
Moving forward is life. After we have done our introspection, learned from our experiences, and healed, we need to strategize how differently we will now lead our life. If we need clarity of mind, for every choice or decision we make, we need to ask ourselves, “Is this in alignment with my happiness?”
Eat healthy food
No matter how much we work on ourselves, food is the only thing that goes inside our bodies and generates the energy for us to be able to live. Eating nutritiously and foods rich in protein will release healthy hormones, which are responsible for our happy mood.
Do regular exercise and breathing exercise
Regular exercise releases serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, also known as happy hormones. We can exercise, stretch, cycle, jog, walk, do yoga, or dance. Even mopping, cleaning, or organizing our home can help us release these hormones that make us feel good.
Discover your creative side
Creativity heals. Creativity need not be limited to creating art forms. We can recreate our room or home, cook our own food (learn from the Internet), gardening, or dig out old wardrobe and restyle.
It sounds silly to dress up when we are at home. But try it and see how it makes you feel. We can dress up, wear some makeup, treat ourselves with some good food, or watch a good Netflix series or movies.
Seek help from a professional
This is one of the most important and valuable things we can do when we feel totally hopeless. It is definitely not easy to find the right therapist. But we can find one only when we try one. If you are able to find the right therapist for you, your journey becomes quite easy.
Organize your space
Organizing our space (wardrobes, fridge, rooms, drawers, tables, and so on) helps us to organize the space within our minds.